Wife! Such a little word, unassuming in many ways, but one that also smacks of kitchen sinks, freshly baked cookies and sacrifice. It’s a word that resonates with being defined by the man you are with, rather than the woman you are – pretty much everything that modern women are schooled to steer clear of.
Wife is clearly a word with many connotations, not all of them pleasant, yet, when Gaby Hinsliff began writing her book about modern parenting, she found that no other word better suited the role over which working parents often struggle.
Half a Wife
The title for Hinsliff’s book, Half A Wife, came after hearing a multitude of couples, juggling dual careers and children, complain that what their marriage really needed was a third person.
Far from being a subtle way to engage in a ménage à trios, the desire for a ‘wife’ can simply be about wishing there was someone else to call the electrician, sign the school-trip consent forms or deal with the pile of ironing threatening to engulf the laundry room. For others, it can reflect the stress of parenting in shifts and the associated bickering about whose turn it is to leave the office early enough to pick the kids up.
It’s also about having the audacity to actually want to enjoy some of the more interesting things in life: craving the time to invite friends over for dinner, to enjoy a night out as a couple, or simply hang out and play games with the children, rather than shuffling them frantically between ‘educational’ pursuits.
The Single Mistake Most Couples Make
The assumption that wife equals woman is a mistake made by couples in many Western societies. If two demanding full-time jobs, plus children, proves too much to handle, the immediate conclusion is often that it should be the woman to cut back on her responsibilities.
Hinsliff dares to ask, why not the Father? Better still, why can’t both parents seek to pool their time in such a way that makes time to enjoy a satisfying family life, but also preserves the opportunity for both to advance in their respective careers? It seems that what modern working families need is a way for parents to make more time, without paying an unacceptably high professional price.
Solutions for a Happier Relationship
It’s understandable that couples may benefit from having just ‘one and a half jobs’ for a while, investing the extra time created into a more well-rounded family life. It’s a concept that makes infinite sense when juggling demanding careers with the needs of children. But, there’s no hard and fast rule that the woman should become the ‘half’ while the man claims the title of main breadwinner. In her book, Hinsliff identifies innovative ways in which to work towards the seemingly utopian, but far from impossible, vision where family life is viewed as a joint project and both careers as equally important.
Half a Wife: The Working Family’s Guide to Getting a Life Back by Gaby Hinsliff is available now.
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